The Art of Forgetting

This week, I found myself captivated by Zohar Atkins' excellent newsletter "What Is Called Thinking." I regularly read his work specifically because his thinking pushes me beyond my comfort zone, stretching my capacity while opening new worlds and perspectives. His recent exploration of Borges's short story "Funes the Memorious" particularly resonated with me. This tale of a man cursed with perfect memory who becomes paralyzed by remembering every detail of his existence captures a profound paradox – that forgetting can be as vital to our growth as remembering. As I contemplated this concept, I realized how applicable it is to leadership and personal development. In our rush to accumulate knowledge, skills, and experiences, we often overlook the transformative power of selective forgetting. By letting go of outdated assumptions, past failures that no longer serve us, and rigid mental models, we create space for innovation, resilience, and authentic connection.

Forgetting outdated assumptions is crucial for adaptability in leadership. We all carry mental models shaped by our education, experiences, and cultural contexts. While these frameworks help us navigate complexity, they can calcify into rigid beliefs that limit our perspective. Consider how we think of our AI implementation strategies. It is all too easy to stay beholden to our tried and true approach to change management believing that it is sufficient. Despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, our attachment to past success can prevent us from embracing new possibilities. And I hear Marshall’s refrain echoing in my ears that “what got us here may not get us there.” As leaders, we must regularly question our assumptions and be willing to discard those that no longer align with current realities. This intentional forgetting isn't about dismissing valuable experience but rather about maintaining a beginner's mindset that remains open to fresh insights and approaches.

Releasing the emotional weight of past failures unlocks resilience and innovation. I am reminded of Roger Federer’s powerful speech at Dartmouth's commencement, in which he observed that, over his career, he had won 80% of his matches but only 54% of the points. Those who cling to their failures, continuously replaying and analyzing them, often become risk-averse and stagnant. On the other hand, leaders who acknowledge failures, extract lessons, and then intentionally "forget" the emotional burden move forward with renewed energy and creativity. This selective forgetting doesn't mean denying mistakes happened; rather, it involves releasing the shame, disappointment, and self-judgment that can linger long after the event. By practicing this form of emotional letting go, we free ourselves to take calculated risks and foster a culture where innovation can flourish despite inevitable setbacks.

Perhaps most importantly, forgetting rigid identities creates space for authentic growth and connection. Many of us construct identities around being the smartest person in the room, the problem-solver, or the visionary. While these self-perceptions may have served us well in the past, they can become constraints that limit our development and relationships. I witnessed this transformation time and again in brilliant but isolated CEOs who had built their entire professional identity around intellectual superiority. Only when they "forgot" this self-limiting concept do they discover the profound value of vulnerability and collaboration. By letting go of who we think we should be, we create space to discover who we might become, tap into the collective wisdom, and forge deeper connections with those around us.

In life and leadership, the art of forgetting is as crucial as the practice of remembering. When we selectively release outdated assumptions, the weight of past failures, and rigid identities, we unlock new dimensions of adaptability, resilience, and authenticity. For those we love and lead, our capacity to engage in this intentional forgetting sets a powerful example of growth and transformation. As we navigate increasingly complex challenges, perhaps we should ask not only what we need to learn and remember, but also what we might beneficially forget.

With love, gratitude and wonder,

Scott