Ninety Lessons

Last week, my father turned 90. We are fortunate that he is in excellent mental and physical health, and he and my mom are independent, active, and still enjoying life to the fullest. As our extended family celebrated his birthday over the weekend, I reflected on a life well-lived, of time well-spent, and the return on investment from seeds planted decades ago. As I pondered these thoughts, I realized that the way we love is a reflection of how we live, and there are valuable lessons to be learned from my father's nine decades of experience.

One of the most important lessons I've learned is to love and be loved, in that order. This concept, which I learned from Alan Mulally and Francis Hesselbein, applies perfectly to my father. As his children, grandchildren, wife, and sister shared their memories and experiences with my father during their short toasts, the fullness of his life was revealed. He had found a way to show his love uniquely with each person and was loved back in kind. By loving first, he created a safe space for sharing information, helping and being helped, and inspiring those in his circle to follow his example.

Another critical lesson is the importance of relationships. My father's primary relationship is with my mother, and he is quick to acknowledge it. They met when they were 15, married at 21, and have been together ever since. She is his rudder and keel, keeping him directionally sound and balanced. He also established many lifelong relationships with childhood friends, early career collaborators, and through new activities he pursued later in life. His friends have nourished him throughout his life and continue to do so daily. He is rarely at a loss for things to do, people to see, or conversations to be had. Most tellingly, I cannot think of many relationships that he ever lost, except to age and disease. I am sure that he encountered the same issues that everyone does, but he chose to resolve them rather than hold onto them. This community of flourishing friends keeps him moving and in the flow of life.

My father has taught me to appreciate every day. Although my grandfather lived to 102, my father never took a single day for granted. Whether it was taking an interest in his grandchildren, children, relatives, or friends, he was always active and knew that any day he could give something to someone was a gift to himself. When he found a bakery that he loved, his first impulse was to buy many loaves and drop them off with those he loved, sometimes for weeks on end. He made special days regular and regular days special, masterfully creating annual events out of normal activities.

In life and leadership, we can find lessons everywhere, but perhaps nowhere more nutrient-rich than from those who have traversed many decades. My father, born and raised in Fairfield County, CT, entered the world between WWI and WWII and witnessed post-war American prosperity, the cultural changes of the 60s, and the national and global changes ever since. He traveled the world but kept his roots in place, enriching those around him as he grew. A leader in business, but more importantly in life, my father's 90 years have been filled with cherishing those he loves and leads. These are lessons worth taking to heart, both for ourselves and for those we love and lead. By embracing the wisdom of a life well-lived, we can create a legacy of love, connection, and appreciation that will endure for generations to come.

With love, gratitude and wonder.

Scott